Mom guilt is a real thing.
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Motherhood is the biggest blessing. It also comes with many challenges. It is a scary thought that literally everything we do affects our kids. Every decision, experience, everything. Talk about pressure!
This pressure is exactly what caused me to feel so much mom guilt. Here are examples of thoughts that flooded my mind as a new mom: “I should have made a more nutritious lunch.” “I wish I were more present with my kids today.” “Why did I have to react in that way?” Perhaps you have shared some of these guilty thoughts too!
Mom guilt can be crippling if you let the negative shoulda, coulda, wouldas linger in your mind.
We are covering what mom guilt is, why it shows up, and 8 tips to help you combat mom guilt!
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Best Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt
What is mom guilt?
Mom guilt is when moms feel bad or inadequate. You may feel like you are not meeting your expectations or even find that you are comparing yourself to other parents around you.
These negative feelings affect parenting in a big way. Speaking from experience, self-confidence takes a hit!
Mindset is everything.
Why do we feel mom guilt?
We can feel mom guilt for a variety of reasons. Here are a few causes:
- Pressure: The constant pressure of feeling like we need to check off all the daily to-dos, like work responsibilities, shopping, laundry, the list goes on and on. There are only so many hours in a day, and it is hard to squeeze it all in!
- Societal Norms: I am sure you are no stranger to societal norms. Society leads people to think that women should do certain things or fit into a certain box. As a result, moms can experience mom guilt for feeling like they are not measuring up to a certain standard.
- Childhood Experiences: How you were raised has a direct impact on the way you parent. When reflecting on your childhood, you know what you want to do and what you do not want to do as a parent.
- Lack of Support: Support is everything. Having a supportive village is incredibly helpful. Unfortunately, not everyone has a support system. When you are doing it all and can’t easily ask for breaks, you may experience burnout or mom guilt. Maybe even both!
Tips for Overcoming Mom Guilt
1. Get to the Root
The first step was asking myself WHY I was experiencing mom guilt. There have been plenty of times where I felt bad about serving my daughter chicken nuggets and fries instead of a more nutritious meal.
If I lost my patience, wasn’t as present mentally during playtime, or didn’t give my kids as much fresh air as I wanted to, I felt guilty about it.
Quite honestly, I still experience these feelings from time to time. But I have found that I do not have them as much as I used to by implementing these tips.
Once you answer why you are experiencing guilt, it is easy to make a plan to simplify your life.
2. Make a Plan to Ditch the Guilt
Once you answer why you are experiencing mom guilt, make a plan to help you meet your expectations as a mama.
If you find that you are experiencing mom guilt about giving your kids too much screen time, plan alternative activities for your kids to engage in. If you are experiencing mom guilt about food choices, begin meal prepping! If you are a stay at home mom like me and experience guilt when you spend money on yourself, remind yourself that your needs ARE important too. (This is something I have to constantly tell myself!) When mama is happy, the family is happy. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
What can you do to reduce the mom guilt you are carrying?
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Whatever your personality type is, self-care is important for everyone.
Scheduling time to unwind, pamper yourself, and do things that make you feel recharged is essential.
I find that I am a much better mom when I carve out time to take care of myself too. It is so easy to put everyone’s needs above your own.
But putting yourself on the back burner can lead to burnout. Take it from me and prioritize your self-care.
4. Find Your Tribe
Get out there and surround yourself with other moms. Besides the fact that it is nice to make friends for your child, it is also nice to make friends for yourself.
Whether you share tips to simplify motherhood, exchange advice, discuss current challenges, or just plain old socialize with another adult, finding others who are in the same boat as you is incredibly helpful.
Just knowing that others are in the trenches with you helps you realize that you are in good company.
From my experience, doing this helped reduce my mom guilt because it made it crystal clear that other parents struggle to balance all the things too. After this realization, I gave myself grace.
5. Stop Comparing Yourself
This is such a hard one. It is so easy to compare yourself to others. Nothing good comes from doing this.
When I notice that I am thinking negatively, constantly comparing myself to others, or short on patience, I know it’s time for me to do some yoga. Yoga has been a great way to change my mindset. It is truly amazing how much more positive and happy it makes me. I highly recommend it!
6. Get Help (If Needed)
If you are really struggling, don’t be afraid to seek help.
Lean on friends and family closest to you. I know this is not the easiest for everyone, but if your family lives nearby and you’re comfortable letting them watch your kids while you take a time out, it is so worth it.
I have found that taking a time out to get out of the house (by myself) and do something that I love has been a great way to recharge my battery.
Quite honestly, leaving the house to do something by myself and driving with the music turned up is one thing I really look forward to. It’s the little things.
Schedule time to pamper yourself with a mani pedi, facial, or whatever you need. Moms (myself included) do not take enough time to take care of themselves.
7. Read a Parenting Book
Parenting books are great. Squeezing in time to read can be difficult, but it is so worth it!
This book helped me become less reactive and support my wild toddler. As a mom, I needed help responding during stressful moments like toddler tantrums!
Choose a book that aligns with your parenting style and will help educate you on your child’s development. Doing this helped me tremendously!
8. Actively Manage Your Emotions
As a former teacher, I am very aware that children are sponges. They learn by watching us. With that being said, I knew how crucial it was for me to manage my emotions.
In order for my children to become healthy humans, they need to SEE what a healthy human looks like.
To be completely honest, I have always struggled to manage stress. So, prioritizing activities like yoga, going for walks, and practicing mindfulness is great for me.
Before reacting to a situation, I take a beat and remind myself that my children are watching and WILL mimic me. Afterall, we are a role model for our kids.
Creating a healthy environment is essential. This starts with dealing with your own struggles head on.
If you are experiencing mom guilt, you are in good company! These are the 8 tips that have helped me overcome this obstacle. What are some ways you deal with mom guilt?
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