I’m going to be completely honest with you. There was one postpartum symptom that shocked me after having my second baby. It wasn’t the extreme bleeding or the leaky boobs, not even the new mom exhaustion. Those are the more well-known symptoms, and I was no stranger to those.
Table of Contents
It was the rage. The postpartum rage caught me completely off guard.
And I wasn’t even mad at any one person. How I was feeling wasn’t rational. Looking back, the silliest things bothered me. Like someone ringing the doorbell. Or the sound of the dogs’ paws walking on the hardwood floors. Or when putting my newborn to sleep felt impossible.
RELATED: How MyBaby Sleepology Helped My 4 Month Old (And Me!) Master Sleep Training
RELATED: How I Stay Calm With My Kids (When I’m About to Lose It)
RELATED: 10 Surprising Things I Learned as a First Time Mom (That No One Warned Me About)
Excuse Me…Is This Normal?
I even felt angry at myself for sweating the small stuff and wanting to scream into a burp cloth. I hadn’t seen myself this worked up in years. Yoga and pilates have significantly improved my mindset, and I really wanted to feel calm. Wasn’t I supposed to feel blissfully happy all the time?
Yeah, no.
Turns out, postpartum rage is real and it’s more common than you might think. My best friend is a psychologist who specializes in working with postpartum moms. When I told her how I was feeling, she mentioned that postpartum rage flies under the radar compared to postpartum depression.
I knew about postpartum depression, but I heard NOTHING about postpartum anxiety and postpartum rage. Not even from my OB, which I found to be very strange.
This talk with my friend was very enlightening, and it permitted me to stop feeling so upset with myself.
You’re not a bad mom, and you’re definitely not a monster.
You are healing. Adjusting. Struggling.
The Rage Comes From Somewhere
As much as giving birth is a miracle, blessing, beautiful, and all that good stuff… your body DID just go through something major. You’re healing and on top of that, you are also touched out, sleep-deprived, bleeding, stretched thin, and putting everyone in your family before yourself.
Your hormones are all over the place. You’re exhausted. You’re constantly tending to your new bundle of joy and probably neglecting your basic needs, like taking a shower. Probably even forgetting whether or not you brushed your teeth.
Take postpartum rage as a sign that you NEED something. Don’t hesitate to ask for what you need more of. Rest, support, food, a time out, or even relief. Take it from me, guilt-tripping yourself does not actually help the situation. It just makes you feel even worse. And who needs that? Nobody.
When your nervous system is pushed to the max, it only makes sense that you need a break (which I know feels impossible these days).
What Helped Me
- Rage walking– I put my baby in the stroller and go for a fast-paced walk. Going for walks regularly has been the best way for me to reset.
- Support– Hopefully, you have a good support system. Taking my parents up on watching the kids for me so I could go out and enjoy a mani-pedi or having hubby put the kids to bed so I could get a headstart on putting my feet up on the couch and binge watching Nobody Wants This on Netflix has been an incredible help. Brainstorm ways to help you relax and unwind, and ask your support system for assistance in making it happen.
- Permission to feel– Remember when I said that guilt does not help? Once I stopped judging myself for feeling angry, it gave me more space to find solutions. I was actually able to clear my mind and figure out what I needed. If it were sleep, I made a plan to make that happen. Usually, though, it was the help that I needed. I love being a stay-at-home mom, but it is a hard job, and sometimes I just need a hand.
- Working out WITH music– I don’t know about you, but sometimes I need good old-fashioned cardio with a motivating playlist to help me work the built-up energy out. Other times, I crave yoga and pilates to help me feel more centered. I listen to what my body needs and do that. Whatever type of workout I am doing, it always includes a playlist. Music has been a great way to help calm me down.
- Journal– Brain dump! When I was a teacher, this was something I encouraged my students to do. Temporarily forget about grammar and punctuation, and write down everything that is in your mind. You can use a regular notebook or buy a postpartum journal online. There are plenty of options out there. There are even guided journals if that is more your speed.
- Get fresh air– This was a huge one for me. Walks are great, but I found that intentionally getting out and leaving the house to do fun things with my kids has been a game-changer. This might not be the easiest thing to do during those first few months with a new baby, but once you’re ready to get out and about, I think you will notice the biggest change in your mental health. I follow a local Instagram page that highlights fun things to do with kids in my area, so that has made planning activities easy for our family. It’s actually pretty amazing what fresh air does for the mind.
- Humor– Looking at funny mom reels and memes always brings a smile to my face.
- Deep Breathing- When I can feel the tension building, I take deep breaths. Doing this during yoga and outside of it, has helped calm me down.
If You’re Feeling This Right Now
I hope that these tips help you just as much as they have helped me. Know that you are not crazy. You are not alone. You are not a monster. Momming is hard and postpartum rage is not talked about enough.
I am 9 months postpartum and although I do not feel 100% like myself again, I am getting there! The journey can feel long. I want to remind you to ask yourself what you need and make a plan to make momming a bit easier, because you deserve it.
Other Posts You May Like:
11 Unexpected Ways Becoming a Mom Changed Me (& Probably You Too!)
